Thoughts

3 WEEKENDS, 3 WEDDINGS
This past Saturday was the first of three weekeneds, three weddings for Karena and me. I was so happy to see two of my PT school classmates get married in Costa Mesa. I have to admit that at most weddings, the bride always ends up looking so beautiful, and this wedding was no different. It was so great to see them and all my other classmates there. But the highlight of the evening was definitely when they finally pestered the DJ about 10 times so he had to play 'N Sync's Bye, Bye, Bye. See, on the last day of classes, we all went out and I was so happy that I ended up doing the whole dance. It was hilarious and they've never let me forget it since. So, they forced me to do it again ... and amazing I still could do most of it.

LETTER TO KARENA
The following is an open letter to Karena that I am letting you all read. Why? I want you all to help keep me accountable in this area. Thanks.

Dear Karena,
We may still be seven months away from getting married, but I wanted to tell you this right now. I want to make a promise and a commitment to you: I will love you, cherish you, and honor you. Now, I know most everyone says that to their significant other at some point in their lives, making those words not quiet so special. But I truly do mean them. And I've invited all these people to share into this letter and into our relationship so they can make sure I don't ever lose sight of loving, cherishing, and honoring you throughout my life. See, it's not just a wedding that we're planning for. I'm planning for a marriage -- something that will last a lifetime.
Karena, I want to love you the way Christ loved the church. And in order to do that, I have to know Christ intimately and have a solid, firm relationship with Him. So, I'm trying to cement my spiritual life and walk more closely with Him. That way, I will learn so much about Christ and follow Him so closely that I will begin to resemble Him. Only then, will I truly be able to love you the way He loved the church. That is my sincere hope and prayer for me and for us.
I can't wait to go through this process. And I can't wait until I have the honor and privilege of being called your husband.
Love,
Victor

PROMISE KEEPERS AT THE FORUM
There is no greater feeling than walking into a sports venue and looking out on the field or court and just taking it all in. I had a very similar feeling last night as I stepped into the Great Western Forum for Promise Keepers. The retired Laker and King jerseys, as well as all those Lakers championship banners, still hung on the wall with pride. As I walked down the steps onto the floor to find my seat, I could hear Chick Hearn calling a game from the '80s Showtime Lakers era: " Magic yo-yoing up and down, pass to Worthy, into Kareem, swing left, shoot right. It's GOOOOOD!!!" (Man, I miss Chick).
But once the conference got started, it was really easy to focus on God because the music and the speakers were awesome! I have heard it been said that Promise Keepers turns men into overly-sensitive, weak individuals. Well, apparently, those people have never heard or seen the power of 15,000 men in prayer, shouting out Amens! and Hallelujahs! And when I saw about 5,000 people dedicate or re-dedicate their lives to Christ, I felt strength and power that I have never felt before. So much for becoming weak!
The Great Western Forum used to be The Home of the Champions.
Turns out, it still is.

IT'S A HARD-KNOCK LIFE
I don't know why it's taken me this long to really realize this, but I've decided that life is tough. In fact, it's very tough. There are always going to be times of disappointment, fear, heart-break, exhaustion, etc.
So, what keep us all from going over the edge? For me, I think it's a few things: My strong faith in God and His master plan, my relationship with my family and friends, and my commitment to myself to do something great with my life.
We only get this one trip through life so I'm trying to pack each day and not waste it. I'm trying to get it right. And I don't want to let all the negatives drag me down. For example, I came in contact with a teenager who jumped off a 3-story balcony after his girlfriend broke up with him. He fractured his pelvis and elbow and can't walk for 6-8 weeks now. Plus, the doctor says he will never have a normal functioning elbow ever again.
Yes, there will be times in our lives where things are difficult. But, we need to keep the right perspective -- His perspective. We can't and shouldn't lose hope. We just need to continue to press on and fight the good fight.
Now that's a life worth living for.

CONGRATULATIONS
Just a quick one today because I'm in a hurry.

Congratulations to Jacob and Victoria, who got engaged this past Saturday. How exciting!

UCLA IS THE BOMB
Yesterday, California governor Gray Davis was here to give a speech. And maybe this was related to that, maybe not, but there was also a bomb threat on the floor I work on. Apparently, a doctor got paged that a bomb was placed on our floor and set to go off at 5:30pm. That only made me minimally nervous because I get off at around 4:30pm. Anyway, a bunch of security came there was no bomb. So, no problem.
But that just goes to show you that ...
UCLA is the bomb!

(Sorry, very bad joke. I know.) =)

EATING LIKE A KING ... AND A PEASANT
I had the most exhilarating and most bizarre eating experience last Saturday night. Karena and I went to her boss' house for a pool party/dinner. Everything was going really well until we sat down for dinner.
The tables were set up. Brand-new table cloth was placed neatly on top. Then, the food started coming.
Alaskan king crab (emphasis on the "king" part). They were the length of my fingertips to my elbow! And since Karena didn't like them very much, she just kept using the crab scissors to cut me more. It was amazing because I was eating huge chunks of crab at a time. Soo good! We also had jumbo shrimp (emphasis on the jumbo), russett potatoes, spicy sausage (so good!), corn, and garlic bread. I really did feel like I was a king.
But at the same time I felt like a peasant.
Why?
The was the food was served was very ... interesting. All that food was just plopped onto the middle of the table, right onto the table cloth. No plates, no utensils, nothing! We were given 2 napkins -- one for your lap and one to serve as you plate. We were also given a brown grocery paper bag to put our trash into. So, there we were, all 30 people, digging in with our hands all wet and dirty, stuffing our faces.
It was the richest and poorest I've ever felt ... at the same time.

ALLISON STARTS COLLEGE
Yesterday, I spent the morning helping my cousin Allison load up her van in preparation for her move to UC Davis to begin life as a college student. I think it was bittersweet for my entire family to see her move on. And of course, everyone is worried about her, but I'm pretty sure she's going to do just fine there. I just hope she doesn't get homesick.
After packing up all her stuff, we went to brunch and had salty soy milk and Chinese pastries. Afterward, we ran a few last-minute errands (Target, of course) and that was it. I just feel bad that I'm not able to be with her to help move in today because I'm working.

HOW TOUGH IS TOO TOUGH?
In everything in life, whether good or bad, there is always a difficult, tough circumstance that one must go through. For example, I love Karena and when we chose to start dating or even to get engaged, that really made us both very vulnerable. And sure there have been times when we've had to work out our differences. And that wasn't easy. Or as Koi core chair, there comes time when difficult decisions have to be made or people need gentle reminders. And that is not easy either. But it's just part of the territory.
But when does tough become too tough?
When do you say, "Okay, I guess this relationship is not going to work out because we have differences that are too great." (Not true for Karena and me). Or when do you say, "This isn't working" and scrap the whole thing? Are we just fighting a battle we can't win or pushing a rock uphill, just to have it fall crashing to the bottom?
I tend to be an optimist and think that we can cause change, that we can make a difference.
Yeah, it's not easy, but it can be done.
So let's do it.

NO PIZZA
Today was the last day of one of our PTs. So, we decided to have pizza to celebrate her last day and wish her a fond farewell. We each piched in ($4 for the girls, and $5 for the big-eating boys). So, it was with great anticipation and excitement that I ran down to the department in preparation for pizza.
But there was no pizza.
No problem. The PT gave a little "thank you" speech and we started eating the salad.
Still no pizza.
I was getting hungry, but I was still being patient.
And still no pizza.
We called Papa John's and the guy said the driver left over half an hour ago.
Finally, he showed about an hour late and with about only 5 minutes left for our lunch time, but there wasn't enough pizza to go around so I only ended up eating one slice.
$5 for one slice?!?
Man, I gotta go hit a McDonald's now!

UCLA VS. USC
I have a PT student from USC who has already been with me for about 4 weeks. And, of course, that means that for about 4 weeks time, I've been giving him a really hard time about his inferior school. And let's just say the only smart thing he did was to choose to come here to UCLA Medical Center for his training!
Anyway, today is a good example of how much help this poor Trojan needs from a Bruin like myself. We were in the process of doing paperwork we call "weeklies." They are named this because they need to be done after a patient has been under our care for a weeks time. While having him write up the weekly, he says, "Hmm ... how long has this patient been here?" He begins to thumb through the chart as I look at him in disbelief. "Wow! One week! Man, that's been a while."
"Yeah, Trojan, that's why we're doing her weekly! Duh!"
What would Trojans do without Bruins in this world?
=)

BODY FAT
About this time ever year, our department celebrates Rehab week by having a table set up outside our cafeteria. There, we have everything from force plate demonstrations, balance and flexibilty exercises, and body fat measurements. Last year, I was amazed to find out that my body fat percentage was 12.1%. This year, I was definitely more worried to try it again since I know I've gained some weight between last year and this year. But I was pleased to find out it was ...
(drum roll)
17.1% Yeah, this is a little more, but it's still all good (aka. Excellent) for a guy my age.)
But I still would like it to be closer to the 12.1%
=)

IT'S NOT EASY
One of the best questions I've ever heard anyone ask someone when they were trying to get to really know someone was, "Is it easy to be you?"
I've been thinking about that question a lot lately. My answer?
Well, yes, I do think I am able to be the person I truly am. I think the only way we should live our lives is to be ourselves, no matter how crazy we might be.
But I'd have to say that based on all the things I do ...
It's not easy ...
No, it's not easy
To be me.

NIGHT GIVES WAY TO DAY
Shakespeare and other writers and poets always talked about how the carefree joys of nightime always come to an end and daytime always brings the return of the worries and responsibilities of daily life. Back when I was in high school, I only understood that to a degree. But after the last few night, I understand it all too well.
Friday nigth was spent in Koinonia meeting in our new small groups for the first time. Things went very smoothly as Janet lead us in a great Bible study about the ingredients needed to have true fellowship (aka koinonia). Afterward, Karena and I spent time with my parents and my sister and her fiance (only one "e", right?). But Saturday morning brought the news that my grandmother had another episode of confusion and had fallen and was again bed-ridden. She may have fractured something, but we are wary to take her to the hospital because nobody has time. How messed up is that?
Saturday night was spent at BJ's in Brea to have all you can eat salad, pizza, and soda while celebrating Reuel's birthday. Afterward, we went to Reuel's to hang out and had a great time. But Sunday morning brought the hussle and bussle rush of Sandra and Gabe trying to quickly pack up to catch their flight, loads of laundry to be done, food to be prepared, and a lecture from my mom about helping the family out more in the midst of my grandmother's condition. And I struggle because I'm also in the process of house hunting, planning our wedding, lead Koinonia fellowship, build up a career, working out to look better before April, develop deeper friendships ...
It's too bad I couldn't just go back to sleep.

MY DRIVING HISTORY
While speeding to church last night, I got really mad when a car that was driving even fast than me cut me off just to get to the stop sign before me. He did a "California roll" and sped off. I dealt with my anger with a "holier than thou" and made a full stop at the stop sign to prove to myself that I am the better driver and could still get to my destination quickly while abiding by all traffic laws. But as soon as I passed the intersection, a cop sped up behind me. I got really nervous, but he actually was going after the guy in front of me who had made the rolling stop. Whew!!! But that got me thinking about the other times I've been pulled over. Here's a recap for your reading pleasure:
#1: No Turn on Red. Age: 16 I had only been driving for about 3 months and was in an unfamiliar area. I didn't see the sign until after I was pretty much done with my turn. I had heard that crying could get you out of tickets so I tried it while talking to the cop, but the tears didn't come. Well, they didn't come until after the cop had already issued the ticket and left.
#2: Following Too Closely I wasn't supposed to leave the house, but my friend was starving and had no car so I thought I'd do the nice gesture and buy her some food. But as I hurried home, I found myself behind a very slow driver while driving down a hill. He had been hiding behind some trees and I was a dead duck. How is it that I get a ticket after doing such a nice thing!?!
#3: Speeding. After many years of not letting me help him drive up north, my dad finally agreed to let me drive a stretch. And this was huge news for me because the entire family was in the car (grandparents included) for Raymond's graduation. But after driving for only 20 minutes, a cop pulled me over for doing 91mph. I didn't get to help drive up north again for another 3 years.
#4: Speeding I realized a little late that it was time for me to exit the freeway, so I sped up to change lanes and make it to the offramp in time. A cop came out of nowhere and got me for doing 80mph. I tried to tell him it was just so I could make it to the offramp in time (not totally true) but he didn't buy it.

Man, that's a lot of tickets ... and a lot of time in traffic school!

LAST THOUGHTS ON SEPT 11 ONE YEAR LATER
I was really afraid the TV coverage would just be way too much, but I think it was just the right amount. There weren't too many times where they showed the planes crashing into buildings. And I know that was a huge area of controversy because many people felt showing those gruesome images were inappropriate and would just force America to re-live those events and feel those same emotions all over again. At first, I strongly disagreed with that statement. But after thinking about it more, I understand their point a little better. That's because I had a similar experience when I was in New York last October.
I froze up as I came upon a bulletin board literally over-flowing with fliers and pictures of people missing after the attacks. I reached for my camera and had the perfect opportunity to take a photo with those fliers in focus in the background and a man's silhouette standing in front of it. It really was going to be a great photo. But, somehow, I couldn't bring myself to take it. Why? Because I felt it just wasn't right to capitalize on these families' losses just to get a "good picture." It felt wrong. And I can see how showing airplanes hitting buildings over and over could feel the same way.

SEPT 11 REVISITED
It's amazing that those images could still affect me the way they do even one year later.
Everytime I see the number 11 written out, all I can see are those Twin Towers.
Please continue to pray for our country, our friends, ... and our enemies.

STAYING LATE
Michael and I once had a conversation about how we're just not the type of people to stay late at work. Sure, we'll put in our time and work hard (or hardly work) while we're there, but there's no chance we'd ever work late. Our older brothers, on the other hand, would definitely stay late and sometimes even sleep at work just to get the job done. We concluded that maybe it was a symptom of "middle child syndrome." Well, it was either that or maybe we were just lazy. So, we opted for the middle child excuse, of course.
But now, I hear that he's spent many nights working late. And for the past few days, I've done the same thing. What is the world coming to?
Be afraid. Be very afraid. =)

SITTING IN ON THE BOARD MEETING
After the EMC was invited to sit in and share our thoughts with the CEFC Board yesterday, I had a few thoughts. First off, we don't even realize how hard the board has been working to bring about a better CEFC. They have meetings till the cows come home and they still have things to discuss. We should be very supportive of them and keep them in our prayers. Secondly, it's a pretty intense group. They are always being very blunt in the words they say and that is to our benefit. I was pretty nervous in there, but was still able to get a comment in here and there. Jesse, the chair of EMC for now, was very good at articulating our concerns. I think all this open communication will help CEFC bigtime in the midst of Pastor Clive's resignation.
Thank God!

FEELIN' A PART OF THE FAMILY
I know I've mentioned this thought already, but it just keeps bowling me over how gracious the Lee family has been to me. I think there's always a little anxiety involved when someone realizes he's about to join a whole other family. How will her parents view me? And what about her aunts, uncles, cousins ...?
But after having dinner with some of Karena's extended family at her aunt's house last night, I'm feeling more and more comfortable about it. I felt right at home taking a second helping of ribs. I felt comfortable sitting on their couch and looking through old photo albums (including pictures of Karena and her sister Rani when they were about 7 and 5, respectively). Even though I was exhausted and had a stomach ache, I had a great time.
And her aunt and uncle are amazing people! Together, they have traveled to all parts of the world, done all kinds of fun things (scuba diving, skiing, running marathons, hiking, climbing mountains, etc.) as well as decorate their beautiful home and garden it. While looking through their pictures, I just took a moment to sit back, look around the room, and think about how I would like to build our marriage and live our lives. I would love to have a strong, committed relationship that is centered on Christ. I would have fun living in a house we can call our home. And it would be great if we could do crazy/fun things to enjoy life and each other's company.
Just like her aunt and uncle had ... and still do.

KOINONIA'S VISION
This definitely wasn't my best work, but I'm glad I was able to be the one to unveil Koinonia's new vision for the upcoming year: Changes. I'm hoping and praying that God will use this group of people, who are in the midst of major Change in their lives, for great things. And in the process, they'll under great Change in their hearts, minds, and thoughts.
Of course, that is easier said than done. But I'm confident that everyone will do their part and be inspired and encouraged to grow.
As for me, I'm excited too, but all that excitement has left me feeling pretty drained at work today.

WHO SHOT 2PAC?
There's a comprehensive article in today's LA Times about the fatal shooting of rapper Tupac Shakur that occurred six years ago. The article clearly implicates the Crips as being directly involved and arch-rival rapper Notorious B.I.G as the man who supplied the money and the gun. This news left the hip-hop community up in arms today as both Power 106 and The Beat devoted long segments of their air time to discussing the article.
But here are my two cents:
I've always tried to be on 2Pac's side. Yes, he was a thug and yes, he did many bad things despite professing a strong belief in God. But I truly think he was trying to get it right. But we, as hip hop listeners, always unfairly make street credibility a must for their music. I know 2Pac grew up on the wrong side of the streets and lived his so-called Thug Life probably to stay alive. But I think he was beginning to realize that there was a better way, but he had trouble giving up his old lifestyle. Plus, any change in that direction would ruin his blossoming music career. Those poor decisions ultimately ended his life. And Biggie's as well. The whole story is very sad.
The moral of the story? Don't get caught up in the hype. Be the man or woman God wants you to be and don't let this world influence you negatively.

MY THOUGHTS ON ...
1. The movie "Signs"
That movie definitely had some scenes that freaked me out! But I loved it plot and its simple, but strong message about faith. I did think the ending was a little disappointing, but not bad. But hey, at least Mel Gibson didn't find out at the end of the movie that he had been dead all along (a la most of M. Night Shamalyan's movies)!
2. California gubernatorial candidate Bill Simon
The Republicans had such a great chance to steal back this position back from the Democrats since everyone is so unhappy with the job Gray Davis had done. But Simon has been screwing it up so badly that he can't even get President Bush to fully back him. It looks like Gray Davis is going to get re-elected because he's the lesser of two evils. But on a lighter note, why are they considered "gubernatorial" candidates and not "governatorial" candidates? I've always wondered that.
3. Eating frozen vegetables
I think I mentioned previously that I'm really afraid of knives. Everytime I try to chop vegetables, I envision myself cutting a finger off or giving myself such a bad cut that blood gushes everywhere. So, one way to counteract that is to buy frozen vegetables. And I hear that they are just as or even more nutricious than fresh vegetables (although that doesn't fully make sense to me). Frozen veggies are pre-cut, pre-washed, and if you ever have knee surgery, they work great as ice packs!
4. Cell phones
I think cell phones are obviously extremely handy and convenient, but there are also many negatives. These include an increase in bad driving and car accidents, increased radiation to your head, and an increase in disruptions at church, work, etc. Just yesterday, the USC student who is following me at work had his cell phone go off while treating a patient. (But hey, he's from USC so what do you expect?) Anyway, I say cell phones be used in moderation only. If you don't have a hands-free headset, don't talk while driving. And turn those darn things off or to Silent when at church or work.
5. Lotion
It's true that most guys don't moisturize. Consequently, they end up with dry hands, lips, and basically all over. I used to think that using lotion was girly so I never did it. Then, I had a phase where I moisturized all the time and let me tell you, my hands never felt better and my lips never felt softer! But now, I think I'm going back to the days where I don't moisturize. But it's not because I think it's girly anymore. I'm just lazy. How do girls do it all the time?

WAY TOO MUCH E-MAIL
I am in no way trying to show off or anything, but I get about 110 emails a day. And the worst part is that that number has increased since becoming Koinonia core chair and since Pastor Clive's resignation. It's been taking me about an hour each day just to answer emails and to formulate the information they provide. But also included in that time is deleting all the spam email I get. Now you might be asking me, "Why don't you just block those emails out?" Well, I've tried that and now my Block list is completely full and I still get all kinds of junk email. Any ideas from all you computer savvy people out there? I've used my hotmail account for about five years and I'm grown rather attached to it so it's pretty hard to get rid of it. But I'm also tired of deleting 70 junk email messages a day.
Heeeeeeeeeeelllllllllllllllllllllllllpppppppp!!!

MEETING THE FRIENDS FROM HIGH SCHOOL
Yes, Sunday night was to be the official time for the entire family to meet both Karena and Gabe. However, the night was anti-climactic because many of my family members could not make it for various reason.
But Monday night marked the first time most of my high school friends were meeting Karena. We met at Maria's on Foothill (near Island's), which by the way, is not a good place. Anyway, everyone seemed to be pretty impressed with her (what's not to be impressed about?!?) and they all loved our engagement story. Of course, I felt badly for Karena since all we did was talk about old high school people: Hey I heard she got married? No, I heard she has two kids already! Can you believe that?
I have to admit that it's pretty cool that I've been able to "show Karena off" these past few days. But the truth is that these past few days have helped me realize that she is truly a gift from God.

SWEATIN' UP A STORM
With practically the entire church gone to Summer Conference at UCSD for Labor Day weekend, only a few of us were left to hold Sunday service. The original plan was for Janet Hall to lead music worship, for me to be the worship leader (guy who prays, says welcome, etc.) and for me to help serve communion with other EMC members. I showed up at church at 9:00 decked out in my best suit ready to set up the elements and to prepare for doing all those things. But that all changed when Janet suddenly became unavailable.
My brother had to rush to church to bring my guitar and music (he came at 9:55) and I quickly threw together a few songs and went at it. But as I turned the overhead projector on to quickly check my transparencies at 10:15, the bulb went out so I had to run all around the church to find another one (many overheads also went down to UCSD). Anyway, so I ran around, got the overhead, went back to the sanctuary and started leading worship. It was going okay (except some said I didn't sing loudly enough) until I started getting hot and sweaty sitting under those bright lights and in front of eveybody. And I do stress the word sweaty! Sweat was pouring down my face like Shaq after an intense game. It was dripping on my guitar, dripping all over my just-dry cleaned suit, all over the floor. And having sweat go into your eye only makes reading chords harder to do! Luckily, Rhonda joined me up there to help hold the melody.
I really do thank God that everything turned out okay for the most part. But needless to say, I'll be glad when everyone comes back and I can go back to having the worship team lead God's people.

MY THOUGHTS ON ...
I have decided to begin a segment entitled "My Thoughts On ..." (obviously) that will appear occasionally. In it, I will share my viewpoints on many random topics, and I do stress the word random. Here's the inaugural entry:
1. A possible war on Iraq
I'm never a fan of war, but it seems like Saddam Hussein needs to be taken out before he rebuilds (and reloads) again. Of course, a part of me wonders just how bad he actually is since I know we all fall victim to some heavy propaganda in America. We really should have just finished the job when we were there 10 years ago.
2. The stock market
Even though I'm in need of some major money to help pay for the wedding and a possible house, I'm still young and could theoretically "gamble" in the stock market a bit. The key to investing in today's volatile market? Anything related to consumer spending such as Wal-Mart. Consumer spending is still high!! That, and don't put all your eggs in one basket: Diversify!!!
3. Baseball: And the game goes on
Obviously, I'm ecstatic that the season will be completed without interruption. The Dodgers and Angels will get a chance at the playoffs, Barry Bonds will get more time to hit more homers, the A's will try for 20 in a row ... But a part of me still feels like I can't forgive and forget what the players and owners nearly did to fans again just 8 short years after cancelling the playoffs and World Series.
4. Untoasted Pop-Tarts
It KILLS me when people eat Pop-Tarts straight outta the wrapper without toasting them. Pop-Tarts are meant to be toasted and eaten just after it pops up from the toaster (hence the name). Besides, the taste of an untoasted Pop-Tart is GROSS, GROSS, and GROSS.
5. Summertime TV
It's no wonder that teachers used to always tell me that our brains have "gone to mush" over the summer. Just look at the programming we put on TV during the summertime: Dog Eat Dog, Big Brother, Spy TV, Meet My Folks, and even American Idol are all lacking in anything intelligent to say. But I have to admit that I have been watching the last few weeks of American Idol (go Kelly!!!).