Thoughts

LIFE (PART III OF III)
You want the truth about MY life? Well, here it is.
I'm not so thrilled all the time about my job, but it's give me something to do during the week. I wish I didn't have to get up so early and stay out for so long of the day. I'd much rather hang out at home.
I've been a little bummed overall these past few weeks because of circumstances out of my control. What makes me feel better? Unfortunately, I have to admit that it's watching TV or movies I've seen over and over. I love reading the newspaper. I love occassionally spouting off on this blog site like I'm doing now. I REALLY love spending time with Karena and with family and friends. Feeling needed and important is good for me too.
I like to watch SportsCenter. I like watching old Law & Order, especially the ones with Angie Harmon.
Each day, I pray that God will use me. And yet somehow, I end up acting no different than anybody else. I'm tired. I'm cranky. I complain. I need to take a nap during lunch. And I can't wait to clock out and go home. I can't wait until Thanksgiving (the next holiday).
My back and left leg (nerve pain from my back) hurt constantly ... every day. I slouch. I don't take care of myself. I'm walking bad advertising for my own profession and my own skills. "Do as I say, not as I do", I'll tell my patients jokingly. But hey, who's joking?
I try to love people. I try to be there for my wife. I try to be there for my family. I try to be there for my friends. But hey, I'm only one man. And it's tough. I have a heart for people. Lately, it's been for Michelle Cherng and Nathan Cheung, who are new to Koinonia and in my small group. I want to help them during this new phase in their lives, to ensure they don't get lost in the abyss that is post-college life. But hey, I already feel stretched too thing. So, it ends up just being good intentions. And I've learned that the road of good intentions doesn't lead to anywhere.
I'm not depressed right now and nothing happened to me that made me write all this down. This is just one man, who's not perfect, but trying every day to get it right.
So, I'll keep putting on my nicest clothes to look good. I'll keep showing up 5 minutes early to work to get myself ready. I'll keep going through life, even if it doesn't make sense.

"But there's more to this life
Than living and dying
More than just trying to make it through the day
More to this life
More than these eyes alone can see
And there's more than this life
Alone can be."
- "More To This Life", Steven Curtis Chapman

LIFE (PART II)
(Please note, VERY random thoughts ahead. But this is what's honesty circling around my head at this very moment. Please bear with me.)
So, at some point in your life, if you are unhappy, you're forced to do something to change that life: Get out of the job you hate. Break up with that significant other you've been dating for years. Change majors. Buy a new sports car in response to your mid-life crisis.
But at what point do you say, "Wait. I'm just out to please myself right now. " There has to be more to life than that. Maybe you're stuck in a situation you feel you can't get out of. And you jump at the chance of the first sign of daylight, like a bug will jump out of a can it's caught in the second the cover is removed.
None of these things are directly happening to me right now. But I'm undergoing an internal struggle trying to figure out human nature and what makes people happy in life and why people make certain decisions. And all this, while knowing that God and His unconditional love for us make our lives worth living.
But what about for the people who don't know Him? This is actually the main impetus for me to reach out to people. Obviously, I want God can use me to "save" people from eternal damnation. But also, I want them to know that this life isn't just random. And we're not just here to satisfy our temporary desires in an attempt to make us "happy." Life isn't easy, but it's possible to have joy, true joy, when God is in your life.
I just hope and pray that the ones I love (and the ones I don't too) know that, believe it, and live it.

LIFE
I've been thinking about life and what makes it enjoyable. As our parents and other friends age, I've noticed more and more how freedoms and life's simple pleasures are taken away from them.
For example, my dad and Karena's dad both have been told to avoid overeating, avoid eating sweets, and to keep the amount of oil and fats in their diets to a minimum. For both of them, that's a pretty tall order since one thing they both enjoy in life is eating ... and eating well. My dad will especially go overboard at buffets to "get his money's worth." But even when doctors tell them this is the difference between living longer and dying much sooner, they still have trouble stopping. Why? Because it directly affects how enjoyable their lives are. And if you can't enjoy the life you have, why even live at all?
Do you agree with that? Obviously, as Christians, we are called to live our lives to glorify God, even if it's sometimes uncomfortable and inconvenient. But I can also see their side of the story. As long as you're living, you should be able to enjoy yourself and do the things you love. Of course, there has to be some cut-off point.
We're constantly being challenged in new ways and in different arenas in our lives. It is my sincere hope and prayer that God gives us all the strength to love life and live it to the fullest, even if we someday are not able to do all the things we love doing.
Lord, give us your strength today.

NEW U2!
The new U2 song called "Vertigo" is now playing on KROQ and Star 98.7. I've heard it a few times over the last few days and I have to say that it rocks!
It's definitely a little louder and heavier sound than "All That You Can't Leave Behind," but it's still good. I can't wait until the album comes out.

BILLY GRAHAM
The famous evangelist Billy Graham is coming to LA for the LA Crusade at the Rose Bowl on November 18-21. In preparation for that, Karena and I have been attending the training classes for those who will be counselors for the event. So far, it's been really good to have a refresher course about your faith, your salvation, and God's unconditional love.
For us, we're both excited about being counselors. And that's not even because we get to go down to the field of the Rose Bowl (although rumor has it that Michael has "accepted Christ" multiples times at Summer Harvest at Angels Stadium for that very reason). It'll be great to hear Billy Graham speak in person and to see the hordes of people walking down the aisles to commit their lives to Christ.
So, please, check out the site or better yet, attend the Crusade. Bring a friend. Hear God's Word preached. Worship some great bands including Jars of Clay, Third Day, Michael W. Smith, The Tait Band (with Michael Tait), the Katinas, and others.
We can't wait.

DAN RATHER
CBS' Dan Rather is in a heap of trouble. Personally, I think it was wise of him to apologize on air so quickly and to put it behind him. Of course, the Republicans are reaping the benefits and will continue to make it a big deal, as they should. This is a political gold mine that just keeps shelling out precious metals.
There is so much pressure on the media to get a cutting-edge story out as quickly as possible while also checking its authenticity. Personally, I don't fault Dan Rather or CBS for going with the story, even if he/they had their own political agenda. I think they blew it and it's come back to bite them. They've suffered enough. Just think, CBS really can't catch a break. First, the Janet Jackson Super Bowl fiasco and now this.
For some reason, when the LA Times came out with the Schwarzeneggar groping women story just before the election, that seemed much more scandalous and politically incorrect (for lack of a better term) than this.
I wouldn't go so far as to say this one is excusable, but I'm willing to overlook it.

MEMORIAL SERVICE
Here's one part of the prayer I will say today: "As we grieve the loss of my grandmother, we take comfort in knowing she is in heaven. Even though we are saddened, we rejoice in knowing she is with you face-to-face. We have assurance that she is in a better place and no longer suffering."
Wai pao, I will always remember you.

CHINESE AND THE VIEWING
Tomorrow's memorial service will feature me as MC, where I will have to speak in both English and Chinese. I wrote out what I want to say in English and Raymond translated it and read it back to me. It's a rather daunting task considering I'm really out of practice in Chinese and even have trouble reading pinyin. But I'm just going to do the best that I can and hopefully don't end up changing the tone of the words too much because that'll completely change the meaning of the words. I don't know how many times Raymond has said, "You want to say, 'Dear God' and not 'Dear Bamboo.'"
On a more somber note, tonight was the viewing. The make-up on my grandmother's face made her look more like the grandmother I've remembered all my life (and not the one whose been lying in a coma for the last 6 months. However, that also made the reality of it all hit me like a ton of bricks. It's one thing to know in your head your grandmother has passed. It's quite another to see her lying in a coffin, surrounded by flowers, in a mortuary. Plus, it's an awkward time of hugs, laughs (at times), cries, and silence. It's such a mixed bag of emotions there that you're left emotionally,mentally and physically drained.
I have plenty more thoughts, but I better stop so I can practice my Chinese. Or sleep.

RANDOM THOUGHTS
1. Celebrity sighting: Kirsten Dunst at the world premiere of her new movie "Wimbledon" in Beverly Hills.
2. The Homebuilders Sunday School led by Dewey and Janet has been really good for our marriage and for myself. It has made me think about things imperative to any marriage. The question that stumped me this week: What would your marriage look like without agape love? What would it look like without eros love? We learned we're called to have both with our spouse.
3. I own baseball caps of the following teams: Dodgers, Angels, Red Sox, Cubs, and Cardinals. Three of these teams are already slated to make the playoffs. With any luck, all these teams will make it (and the Yankees and Giants won't!)
4. This is the saddest time of the year for me. The weather gets colder and the days shorter. Summer is over.

FESTIVE
After attending class on Saturday night, we managed to make it in time to attend Reuel's birthday at the park. Not only was the food good (BBQ complete with hot dogs, tri-tip, and all the fixins for a kickin' burrito or quesadilla, but the turnout was great. That made for some really enjoyable company and a good game of football ... not to mention the pinata we had. It was great to get away from everything and enjoy some time with friends.
Afterwards, Karena and I were talking about how untraditional we are as Chinese people. I think that we're not supposed to attend any festive gatherings for a week after a family member passes away. And yet, we managed to attend to birthday gatherings in three days (my co-worker's birthday dinner was in Chinatown Thursday night).
But we should have been careful for what we were asking for because we arrived in Montebello to spend time with my family and ended up spending all night helping to fold that gold and silver paper into the shape of old-fashion money (it looks like a boat). And even though I was BY FAR the worst one at the folding, it was a really good time spent laughing and remiscing with my grandfather, my mom, my two aunts, my uncle, and Allison and Jonathan. The work might have been tough, but it is so rare for us to be together now that I really cherished the time.
And I think we got more than our fill of the traditional Chinese flavor.

BAD FENG SHUI
I've previously discussed how our house must have bad feng shui because of all the bad things that have happened to the house or happened to us since living here. The most glaring example is, of course, when the van almost drilled our house head on, but luckily, was stopped inches away by our cement poles (which are still not fixed, by the way).
But recently, we've had two more examples. Our handyman was in our attic doing work when he slipped and fell and hurt his back. Therefore, he is unable to complete the long list of things he was going to work on for us. Everything is half done (including cement work and electrical work). And we haven't heard from him yet as to how he is doing.
And this past Thursday, a loud crash sent Karena running from the kitchen into the side of the house where yet another car went barelling into the side of our house. This time, a tree and a sprinkler head took the brunt of it and managed to save our wall (where the basketball hoop is).
So the question is: Should we consider these things blessings since the house technically wasn't damaged? Or should we pick up and move right away?

BLOWN AWAY
I've really been blown away by some of the outpouring of love, support, and concern shown to my family and me after my grandmother's passing this week. Whether it be in the comments section of this website, or an email, a phone call, an "I'll be at the funeral to support your family" (huge props to Jason!), or a card in the mail (big props to Daryl!), it has really touched my heart.
This is just a reminder that, even though this world often lets you down and hurts you,there are still some truly amazing people in it. And also, it is a reminder that I have been blessed with some really good friends.

ATHLETES BRAIN TYPES
I mentioned previously how I was so interested in how brain types affect a person and their athletic ability that I bought a book written by athlete brain type guru Jon Niednagel. In last Friday's Daily News sports section, an article about his theories was presented, as it related to Cincinnati Bengal quarterback and former USC (boo!!!) star Carson Palmer.
In it, he says Palmer's ISFJ brain type is so rare, he has never seen it in an NFL quarterback. Plus, he ranked ISFJs among the bottom half of brain types for quarterbacks.
Guess what MY brain type is? Yup, ISFJ. Guess I'll never make it as a professional athlete, let along a quarterback of an NFL team.
By the way, Palmer, who started his first NFL game this past Sunday, threw for 248 yards with two touchdowns and one inteception in his team's 31-24 loss to the Jets.

GLENDALE TOWN CENTER
My family is still understandably quite emtional, but there are many plans to take care of and still regular business/work to be done, so we've all managed to do our part.
This day has left me feeling a little empty, a little depressed, and a little disoriented, sort of like I'm jet-lagged. But, like I said, we still had to carry on with our daily lives.
And so, Karena and I went to vote today, as a special election was held regarding the proposed construction of a new Glendale Town Center, similar to The Grove on Fairfax. This new outdoor center will include movie theaters, restaurants, and shops. But it will also include many road closures and will be built directly across the street from the Glendale Galleria. Plus, another issue is that the land is basically being given to the developer free of charge. Early exit polls show it's about 50-50, so we'll see. In fact, I think even our own household is 50-50 about it.

THANKS FOR YOUR PRAYERS
Today, at 10:30 am, my grandmother past away. Even though we as a family have had a while to prepare, there is still a great sense of loss.
Thank you for your prayers for my family.

BABY TALK
I have to preface this blog by saying this is in NO WAY a precursor of things to come anytime soon.

But after having said that, I have to say that it's been nearly a week since I had the privilege of holding my first newborn baby (only 2 days old!), thanks to Mark and Gina ... and they're new son Gabriel. There is nothing, absolutely nothing, that compares to holding a newborn baby. And with that still fresh on my mind, we heard the great news that Charles and Lisa are now expecting. And funny thing too because we were just talking this weekend about who would be the first from the CEFC family that would be expecting.

And again, with all this still swirling in our minds, we met with other young married couples and some "more seasoned" married couples in Charis to discuss married life while raising kids. It was an interesting evening filled with open and honest discussion and Q&A about how life changes, some practical suggestions, and some good advice from a Christian perspective. It was very helpful and informative to get different viewpoints about parenting and married life. And we both felt comforted about what the future might bring us.

Just not anytime soon. =)

SEPTEMBER 11
A moment of silence, please ...

STEM CELL RESEARCH
I usually try to refrain form making political statements. But here goes.
Stem cells became a hot button topic of this year's election after the passing of President Reagan. His son, Ron Reagan spoke at the DNC in support of Kerry, who supports funding for stem cell research to find a cure for Alzheimer's and other diseases.
If this is a topic of concern for you or if you're interested, here's my two cents:
John Kerry has referred to President Bush supporting the "ban" on stem cells. But this is fact: Stem cell research is legal in the US. The issue is whether to ban funding, not stem cells themselves. During the Clinton years, this ban on funding was there. It was Bush who first permitted federal funding for stem cell research.
In fact, Bush's stance on it is pretty "middle of the road" -- funding research using existing stem-cell lines, but not for those created specifically for stem-cell lines because that would lead to the destruction of human embryos. Most conservatives, including me, think funding should only go to research using cells drawn from already discarded embroys (they're already set for destruction anyway).
And even though Ron Reagan spoke on behalf of the Democrats, it's not so clear cut that one side is "good" and the other "evil," as he pointed out. We are nowhere close to finding cures to Parkinson's and spinal-cord injuries using stem cell research. Plus, stem cells might not even be the correct way to go in finding a cure.
Therefore, the Republicans are NOT standing in the way of a cure of Alzheimer's. Shame on the Democrats using Ron Reagan to make the stem cell fuding issue political.

LIFE AND DEATH
On the same day that we visit my friends Mark and Gina and see their newborn baby Gabriel, who is but 2 days old, I find out my grandmother is not doing very well at all.
On the same day that my parents tell me my grandmother has had many more seizures, I hold little Gabriel in my arms while he sleeps, yawns, and kicks.
On the same day when I watch Gabriel cry to get his diapers changed, I hear about how the nursing home nurses can no longer suction my grandmother properly because it is too think and breaking up the outer layer of her throat.
New life and near death on the same day.
It's hopeful and tragic at the same time.

THE WEEKEND IN REVIEW
After spending four days in San Luis Obispo with Karena's family, I have to say that I'm a sucker for nostalgia. For a while now (maybe as far back as high school), I've begun to look backward at my life as much as I've begun to look forward. And thist restful weekend was no different. In fact, many of the things I did were things I've did as a kid. Here's a quick list:
(1) Rode the swings (including trying to go as high as you could, playing "Frogger" by avoiding the swings, twisting the chains so that the swings spin you around)
(2) Played "Uno"
(3) Played "Speed" (or was it "Spit")
(4) Went swimming
(5) Played on the monkey bars
(6) Watched "The Karate Kid" and "Beverly Hills 90210"
(7) Stayed very close to an area I stayed with my family for Labor Day Weekend about 10 years ago.

I think the entire family had a great time. And I'm ready to take what I've gained from looking back ... and look ahead.

On a completely different topic, congratulations go out to my good friends Mark and Gina on the arrival of their new son Gabriel.

SOMETHING FISHY
Most people know that I became allergic to avocados in college. That means, I eat taquitos and other Mexican food without guacamole and avoid them in sandwiches (and I especially avoid avocado milk shakes!)
But for the past few months, my stomach has become upset with eating fish and some other seafood too. It hasn't caused me vomit like the avocados do, but it turns my stomach into knots and keeps me from falling asleep. After going to a wedding banquet recently and eating fish, I woke up at 3 am and spent the next hour in the bathroom. And last Monday, we had dinner at Karena's parents and had fish that was just caught that day, and I still got sick. And even on Wednesday, Karena and I ate at Crustacean, a fancy Beverly Hills restaurant, and my stomach became a little achy after eating their lobster. For a guy who's Chinese and grew up eating a lot of fish, this is very disturbing to me.
What's going on here? Something is fishy.

THE RNC
First off, I've done away with the guestbook since it became tained. Instead, I've added a comments section so feel free to comment away on your thoughts.

After seeing what went on at the Republican National Convention in New York over the last few days, I have these thoughts:
(1) Whether you're a Republican or Democrat, you have to admit that the protestors really made their cases look pretty bad. I think it's healthy and very American to protest your cause, but to take it to that extreme is unfortunate.
(2) President Bush gave one of his best speeches ever. He will never be confused with a great orator or even a smooth talker like Clinton, but both his content and delivery were right on.
(3) After four years, it's finally hit me how determined and aggressive Bush is. He defines the phrase "Don't mess with Texas."
(4) Whether you like Arnold Schwarzenegger and his corny jokes or not, you have to admit that he brings the fun. And that can really take a politician far in today's political arena.
(5) George W. Bush is trying to do everything his dad didn't, including not become a one-term president. But if he does go down, you can guarantee he's going down in a blaze of glory.

KOBE TRIAL DISMISSED
Here are my thoughts on the Kobe Bryant trial being dismissed:
(1) I will admit this makes the accuser look like she's only after money. I'd imagine if she was raped, she would want to prosecute him to the fullest, even if it meant letting her sexual history get out. Instead, everybody thinks there is a deal in the works and she will get paid.
(2) A part of me became upset when listening to angry callers to sports radio stations demand that they no longer call her "the victim" and start calling her by her real name or "gold digger." Sad.
(3) There is a major double standard that still exists in this world. Magic Johnson contracts HIV from his promiscuity and he is flooded with sympathy and praise. Kobe Bryant, at the very least an adulteror (when he was so forceful in stating he would never cheat on his wife), has his word is taken as gospel simply because he is a great basketball player. Nobody cares he cheated on his wife (and his baby daughter). They only care he isn't a rapist. They still cheer for him. They still love him. However, if a woman sleeps around, she's immediately branded as a "ho" or a "tramp" or worse, as is the case of the accuser. Again, sad.
(4) I was shocked to hear Kobe's statement after the trial was dismissed. He said, " Although I truly believe this encounter between us was consensual, I recognize now that she did not ... I now understand how she feels that she did not consent to this encounter. " This either shows his brutally honest, upright side, or his extremely stupid side. Because I've always liked Kobe, I'm hoping it's the former. But in reality, it's probably both.
(5) There are no winners in this.
(6) The bottom line is this: Kobe shouldn't have been in the situation in the first place. How can you sleep with another woman, then come home and look your wife and daughter in the face? But hey, I'm not perfect. Who am I to judge?

DAVE MATTHEWS BAND
After tending to my grandmother, we still managed to make it to the concern, just a little later than expected. We had heard The Black Eyed Peas were opening and Karena was excited to hear them. But as it turned out, they ditched DMB in favor of attending the MTV VMA's in Miami. Bummer.
So, we got there early and since we weren't all that impressed with the opening bands, we ended up eating some really good garlic fries. As a rule, we both try not to buy too much food to keep our expenses down (you know, the Chinese thing to do).
Dave Matthews Band sounded amazing, even though we didn't know all their songs. This was the first concert I have ever attended where I didn't recognize all their songs, but their full sound simply blew me away. Our favorite was "Ants Marching." Any band that can have a guy playing violin and make it look and sound cool has to be cool. Plus, we love the expressions Dave Matthews makes when he sings. That band has sings with some true heart and passion.
Needless to say, we loved the concert. Thanks, Reuel!