Thoughts

IT'S TIME
I really like what Jason wrote on his website when he got married: It's time for me to change. That's how I feel today.
There are a lot of thoughts swirling through my head and a lot of comments from last night's rehearsal dinner that I want to mention. But instead, I'm going to re-post a blog from last September: An open letter to Karena. Please read it again to help keep me accountable. And thank YOU for being an active participant not only in our wedding, our marriage, but also our lives. (We'll be back from Tahiti on May 10th.)

AN OPEN LETTER TO KARENA
The following is an open letter to Karena that I am letting you all read. Why? I want you all to help keep me accountable in this area. Thanks.

Dear Karena,
We may still be seven months away from getting married, but I wanted to tell you this right now. I want to make a promise and a commitment to you: I will love you, cherish you, and honor you. Now, I know most everyone says that to their significant other at some point in their lives, making those words not quiet so special. But I truly do mean them. And I've invited all these people to share into this letter and into our relationship so they can make sure I don't ever lose sight of loving, cherishing, and honoring you throughout my life. See, it's not just a wedding that we're planning for. I'm planning for a marriage -- something that will last a lifetime.
Karena, I want to love you the way Christ loved the church. And in order to do that, I have to know Christ intimately and have a solid, firm relationship with Him. So, I'm trying to cement my spiritual life and walk more closely with Him. That way, I will learn so much about Christ and follow Him so closely that I will begin to resemble Him. Only then, will I truly be able to love you the way He loved the church. That is my sincere hope and prayer for me and for us.
I can't wait to go through this process. And I can't wait until I have the honor and privilege of being called your husband.
Love,
Victor

THOUGHTS ON MY LAST DAY OF BACHELORHOOD
1. I do agree that being engaged is one of the best times of your life. Just think, I've been single for 26 years and I'll probably be married for about 50-60 (assuming we both live an average life expectancy). But we'll only be engaged 9 months. This has definitely been a time that I have tried to cherish and enjoy ... although it has been stressful! But it was nice to be able to share this time with so many other people: Sandra and Gabe, Steven and Liz, Jacob and Victoria, Melanie and Bob, Gary and Regina, etc.

2. Funny story: As some of you may have seen, my guestbook was "vandalized" like Jason's yesterday. Only mine immediately led you to a porn site that you couldn't close. Too bad I had no control over this and didn't even know about it ... until I sat down AT WORK to open my guestbook. So, there I am, on the last day at work before getting married, and a porn site pops up. Everybody came up to me and said, "What are you looking at?" I was so embarrassed, sweaty, and nervous. I tried to explain, but they just started giving me a hard time, saying, "And you expect to get married in two days?" I have since fixed the problem, but I still feel terrible about the whole thing.

3. Tonight's rehearsal dinner is at Buca Di Beppo in Old Towne. The last time I was there was to celebrate my birthday. But more importantly, this was the day the Lakers beat the Trail Blazers in Game 7 with that Kobe to Shaq alley-oop in 2000 ... after being down by 15! That was such a great day. We acted like we were drunk, and all we had was water. I was hoping for a repeat performance in emotion tonight, but the Lakers had to go spoil it all by playing TERRIBLY and losing last night. I don't know why I subject myself to this type of torture every year, but I'm saying it again: The Lakers are done. Yes, they are my boys. But a team that puts on a lousy performance like that does NOT have the heart of a champion. But still, I will cheer for them, live and die with them, and get nasty guestbook entries from Simon, Aaron, and Luong. The last thing is, I've been asking myself, "Why did we schedule our wedding and honeymoon during the NBA playoffs? How dumb are we?"

4. We also scheduled our wedding and honeymoon during May TV sweeps. That means, we will have two to three VCRs going to tape all our favorite shows. I think we're recording close to 12 hours of TV so I had to be a little selective on what I was recording. Good thing we'll be back in time to watch the 90210 reunion show!

5. All of our "vendors" for the wedding are a little weird. And I mean that in a good way. They either have way too much energy, talk a lot, find the strangest things cool, etc. Anyway, but I don't think we'd have it any other way.

6. After hanging out with some of Karena's family last night, I really do feel a part of the family now.

7. I hope the wedding gets mentioned in the CEFC bulletin. And if so, I hope somebody saves one for us! I always thought that would be exciting.

8. I have the best parents.

9. I have the best friends.

10 Sorry this is so long. I've been thinking a lot.

THE YOUTH IS GONE
Now that I've had my car back for a few weeks now, I'm realizing that I'm driving much differently now. Before, I used to drive a certain way. I termed it "Fancy Driving." That meant I knew how to drive fast when I could and find short cuts and make it past very narrow areas.
But the Fancy Driving is no more.
See, now that I have experienced such a traumatic accident, I know that I am not invinsible. And neither is my car. So, now, I am a very tentative driver. I take my time and am too indecisive. And ironically, that is what's getting me into trouble now! I've realized that I've lost my innocence of invinsibility and my youthful love for driving.
I hope I can get it back.

THE WORD IS OUT
My boss finally emailed the entire Rehab staff at work to tell them that I had resigned to take another PT position at Kaiser West LA. I have to say that it felt very nice to have so many people tell me they were saddened by the news. The truth is that I've really enjoyed my time here at UCLA primarily because of the peopel I work with. Almost all of them are good people. And that's pretty rare to find in any workplace.
And it's just funny how when everybody knows that your last day is coming soon, they start to talk about you like you're dying: "You will be sorely missed." "I'll always remember how Victor used to bring his little lunch bag that mysteriously seemed to carry so much food." "He was a good guy."

MY THOUGHTS
I have to agree with what my cousin Joyce said about the week before her wedding, "It's surreal." I don't know what's going on these days. In fact, you should see my "Things To Do" list. It's chalk full of little things, especially since we're also working on the house and my new job. I wouldn't say I'm stressed, but I definitely would like to take a nap if I could. Also, I am sad that my relationship with my family (parents and cousins especially) will be a little different.
But most of all, I'm just excited to be able to get married to Karena.

I WISH
I wish I had taken more days off work prior to the wedding.
I wish I paid more attention to detail.
I wish I were more organized.
I wish I could take a nap.

EASTER MORN
As I lay in bed this morning, I couldn't move. I was so exhausted that I couldn't even imagine trying to get up to face the day, even though it was such a celebratory day like Resurrection Sunday. And that reminded me of two old Keith Green songs. I've written the entire lyrics to the first song (which is VERY appropriate for Easter) and the SUPER poignant four lines from the other. I really encourage you to read them, think about them, and let them inspire you.

Easter Song
Here the bells ringing
They`re singing that you can be born again
Here the bells ringing
They`re singing Christ is risen from the dead

The angel up on the tombstone
Said He has risen, just as He said
Quickly now, go tell his disciples
That Jesus Christ is no longer dead

Joy to the word, He has risen, hallelujah
He`s risen, hallelujah
He`s risen, hallelujah

Hear the bells ringing
They`re singing that you can be healed right now
Hear the bells ringing, they`re singing
Christ, He will reveal it now

The angels, they all surround us
And they are ministering Jesus` power
Quickly now, reach out and receive it
For this could be your glorious hour

Joy to the world, He has risen, hallelujah
He`s risen, hallelujah
He`s risen, hallelujah, hallelujah

The angel up on the tombstone
Said He has risen, just as He said
Quickly now, go tell his disciples
That Jesus Christ is no longer dead

Joy to the world, He has risen, hallelujah
He`s risen, hallelujah
He`s risen, hallelujah
Hallelujah

Asleep In The Night
Jesus rose from the grave
And you, you can't even get out of bed!
Oh, Jesus rose from the dead
Come on get out of your bed!!!

AND THE COUNTDOWN ROLLS ON
I thought it would be funny if I called Karena today and disguised my voice to make it sound just like the one from "The Ring" and say, "Seven days ... seven days!"
But somehow, I don't think she'd find that funny.

LIQUID FOR GOOD FRIDAY
One song I always listen to on Good Friday is Jars of Clay's "Liquid." It always reminds me that He didn't die for nothing.

Liquid
Arms nailed down,
are you telling me something?
Eyes turned out,
are you looking for someone?

This is the one thing,
The one thing that I know.

Blood-stained brow,
are you dying for nothing?
Flesh and blood,
is it so elemental?

This is the one thing,
The one thing that I know.

Blood-stained brow,
He wasn't broken for nothing.
Arms nailed down,
He didn't die for nothing.
He didn't die for nothing!

This is the one thing,
The one thing that I know.

THE END OF THE BRUIN ERA
I can't believe I'm doing this, but I've already done it. It is now official. I will be leaving my dream job at UCLA for another job at Kaiser West LA. The pay is much better and it will be in an outpatient setting (which is ultimately what I've always wanted to do.) My last day will be in about a month. That means, in one months time, I'll have a new wife, a new job, a new front part of my car, a new apartment and eventually new house ... basically a new life.
All these changes have left me feeling excited, and a little sad at times. But I'm grateful for God's continued blessings over me.

BACHELOR EATING
Everyone knows I'm excited to be getting married in a week and a half. But what few people know are the little things that I am sad to be giving up. Bachelorhood is a very unique thing. And one thing that is so great about it is how a bachelor gets to eat ... anything.
Most of my bachelor days while living on my own were spent looking for something to eat for dinner. Sometimes, I was too lazy to cook food or buy something, so I just found what was around and ate it, no matter whether it went together or not. Yesterday was such a day. And since I figured this is probably the last time I will ever get to do something like that, I decided to go all out. Here are the contents of my dinner last night:
(1) 1 cucumber ... dipped in peanut butter.
(2) A bowl of Honey Bunches of Oats cereal
(3) Chocolate cake
(4) Some iced oatmeal cookies

You may think that is gross. But to me, I say "Bon appetit!"

ON TOP OF THE WORLD
On the days that I don't carpool with Karena to work (like today), I usally end up taking Beverly Glen up until I hit the 101 fwy. During the drive, it takes you up and over the mountain. And let me tell you, that is some of the most breathtaking landscape you will ever see. I don't even mind the traffic that I have to sit through there because I get to enjoy being on top of the world.
It almost makes me want to roll down the window and scream, "I'm the king of the world!" ... except that would remind me of that awful movie with that awful actor.

I CAN'T DANCE
Now that the wedding is less than two weeks away, I'm beginning to worry about my dancing ability. Yes, it's true that I do have some pretty famous (or infamous) moves, but they're known more for their comedy than their style or ability. In less than two weeks, I will have to wow Karena (and over 300 guests) during the first dance, wow them again with the wedding party helping out, and then wow them a third time with regular dancing (including some songs and/or moves that might be requested). That's a lot of wowing!
Can it be done? I wasn't so sure so I asked my uncle for some help. So, there we were, listening to music in my computer room as we held hands and he twirled me around. I was embarassed, but the thought of being more embarassed at the banquet made everything seem okay.
So, I at least have a little more in my arsenal. But I still need more. Can any of YOU help a Chinese guy who no rhythm? Let me know.

THE BACHELOR PAR-TAY!
Yesterday was my much-anticipated bachelor party. I have to admit that I was pretty excited about it, especially since everytime I saw Jason, he'd look at me and start laughing. It was great to see so many people come out (including Gary who drove two hours up from San Diego only to drive back afterward to work and Nathan, who took time out of writing his thesis). It was even nicer to see my "work friend" Mark and London in Monterey Park and hanging out with CEFC people.
The highlights of the event were:
(1) Playing slow-motion basketball (so that I wouldn't get hurt) with a BIG afro on my head.
(2) Having to walk across Atlantic Blvd all myself in a skirt and Shaq jersey.
(3) Playing a great game of guessing current and former athlete's jersey numbers
(4) Having to find clues within the movies "Kazaam" and "Glitter" at Blockbuster while dressed in a trenchcoat and shorts (so it looked like there was nothing under the coat) and fake hair positioned to look like chest hair
(5) Charades where Reuel accurately guessed everything from Uncle Robbie's to Eminem to Karena.
(6) Laser Tag at Monterey Highlands ... except that I lost
(7) A great affirming prayer time with Karena by my side.
(8) The great gifts! A BBQ grill complete with tools and accessories from all the guys and a set of golf clubs, snacks, DVDs, and that office golf putt returner thing from Enoch.

All in all, I was roasted, toasted, and posted (up) ... and I enjoyed every minute of it. Thanks to all the guys. And special thanks to Raymond, Mike, Jason, and Luong for planning and to Jesse for opening up his place.

SITTIN' ON THE PASSENGER SIDE
Lately, with my car being in shop for over two weeks and with my carpooling to work sometimes with Karena, I've been spending a lot of time in the passenger seat. And let me tell you, I love it!
When I was a kid, I used to love to go for rides in the car because I would spend the entire time looking out the window. I honestly believe that's how I learned so many things and that it helped make me smarter. I would read billboards, observe how people got on and off buses, count the number of telephone/electric poles, watch stray dogs search for food, etc. I know, I sound like Dustin Hoffman in "Rain Man." But I loved just looking around and taking the world in.
Now, on the drives, I get to look at million dollar homes, see City Walk from a distance, see famous Beverly Hills sights I only usually see on TV, etc. It's been really fun for me.
And who knows? Maybe it does make me smarter. Do I seem smarter to you these last few weeks?
Nevermind. Don't answer that.

CEREAL
The breakfast of champions for me still has be cereal. As a kid, I loved Frosted Flakes. But now that I'm older and a little more conscious of my health, I try for "healthier" cereals. No, I haven't crossed all the way over into Shredded Wheat or Meuslix (that's just horse food). But I do like Honey Bunches of Oats, Blueberry Morning, etc. I was so happy that I bought milk last night so that I could have cereal in the morning. Sometimes, the thought of eating a hearty breakfast is the only think that gets me out of bed in the morning.

CAN YOU DIG IT?
17 more days!!!

THE NEW APARTMENT
Like I've said before, I've been blessed with good friends. And most of them have asked me if I'm all settled into the new apartment. And honestly, I don't know how to answer that question because I really don't spend much time there. In the two weeks that I've lived there, I'm probably averaging about 2 hours there a day (excluding sleep). So, yes, I do love it there, but I'll be able to answer much better probably after April 26th.

A PATIENT'S WISE WORDS
It's no secret that I've been worried about how much money is being spent for the wedding. I mean, that's the guy's job, right? Worrying about money just comes with the territory.
But I was talking about my wedding with one of my patients. And he said, "You HAVE TO go all out for your wedding. The sky's the limit." He suggested we invite everyone we know, empty the piggy bank dry, and enjoy ourselves. That's the only way to do it. After having that conversation with him, I felt SO much better about things.
He's right. This is a once in a lifetime experience. Besides, Karena and our families deserve it.
So, we're going to live it up!

TOO BUSY
Here is the sure sign that I am too busy:
We took our outdoor pre-wedding pictures today. Everything went great. We did show up a little late, but Wah, our photographer, was great about it. Plus, Ko and Charice came to help and cheer us on. I was really happy with the way everything was going. Well, that is, until I realized that I left my watch in the inside pocket of my tuxedo jacket. Now, my favorite watch is probably lost forever. Between this, not getting papers for the house together on time, the car accident, and a lot of other little things where I've messed up, I just feel very disappointe din myself. I must be too busy.

I MISS IT
I took a stroll through the UCLA campus yesterday during lunch and was surprised to see how much it's changed in such a short time. But I got very nostalgic and realized, I really had a good time in college and enjoyed my college experience. And looking back, I miss it a little bit.

EARLY MORNING, APRIL 4, SHOT RINGS OUT IN THE MEMPHIS SKY
Today, April 4th, 2003 marks the 35th anniversary of the assassination of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. If you are an avid reader of this website, you know that he is someone I consider a hero. I always take time on Martin Luther King Day (in January) and on April 4th to read some excerpts from his speeches. Here are some almost prophetic words from the last speech he ever gave, on April 3rd, 1968 in Memphis, Tenessee:

"We've got some difficult days ahead. But it doesn't matter with me now. Because I have been to the mountaintop. And I don't mind.
Like anybody, I would like to live a long life. Longevity has its place. But I'm not concerned about that now.
I just want to do God's will. And He's allowed me to go up to the mountain. And I've looked over. And I've seen the promised land.
I may not get there with you. But I want you to know tonight, that we, as a people will get to the promised land! And I'm not fearing any man.
Mine eyes have seen the glory of the coming of the Lord!"

Amen.

I DON'T CARE
Today, I got pooped on by a patient.
Today, I woke up at 5 am.
Today, I fell asleep during a meeting ... right in front of my boss.
Today, I am having pain in my left hip and right knee.
But I don't care.
Why?
Because my car (better known as "The Sweetness") is back!

FRUSTRATION CUP OVERFLOWS AGAIN
I can' t even begin to tell you how excited I was knowing that Tuesday (yesterday) had finally come. It would be the day that the Sweetness (aka my car) would finally make its triumphant return. I left work early, hoped on the bus (for hopefully the last time) and ended up at the auto body shop. I couldn't believe how good it looked when I first laid eyes on it. It was beautiful ... mostly because the entire front (and I stress the word "entire") was brand new. The total bill was astronomically high (let's just say that Karena and I could have lived it up in Tahiti already and still had tons of money left over). Thank God for insurance.
I drove it to Karena's so we could go out to Chinatown to have dinner with our parents. But little did I know that once I got there, Sweetness would not move again for the rest of the day. Yup, the inpact of the crash knocked my security system out of whack and so I couldn't get my car started ... again. How unbelieveable is that?!?
So, Karena had to drive me everywhere last night (including back to the apartment) and to work again. Thank God for a great fiancee!

PHONE
In keeping with my Chinese ways, I'm trying to save some money during the two months we'll be in the Glendale apartment by not activiting a phone. So, that means my cell phone will be the only way to reach me.
But that unfortunately also means I'll have no way to use my modem. So my email and access to this website will be limited to what I can do at work. So if my inbox gets cluttered or I don't update the page, don't kill me.